I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
