I wanna bring you to show and tell
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
