I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
