3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
