Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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