I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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