Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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