me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
