WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
