Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dick very happy bro
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
