After last night, I could never be a politician.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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