U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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