Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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