No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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