You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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