When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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