i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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