I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
