rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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