Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
