Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
