It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
