So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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