I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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