my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
