She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
