Got a toothbrush?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
