I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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