did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
