My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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