every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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