We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
