So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
