He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
