No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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