I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
