who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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