Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
