Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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