Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
