Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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