Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
