WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it hurts more in the daytime
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
