I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
