Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
