just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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