If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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