If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
