I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
