Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
